Missing Summers Past

Do I have a bunch of other things I should be doing?  Of course.  If I wanted to do them, though, don't you think I would have started on them by now?  Sheesh.  Summer is my time to procrastinate horribly on all things not lazy and summery.

Now that we have that out of the way, I have to tell you why this is the hardest summer, ever!

No, really.

Summers had been my time to play with my kids.  We hung out at the pool, or the lake, or the water park (notice the water related theme?), we watched movies, or we wandered around town looking for fun stuff to do.  We'd flood the backyard and paddle around in it, then watch the dragonflies dance across the makeshift pond.  When they were little, they'd have sleep outs in the tree house up in the cherry tree.  Later, the backyard campouts moved down to a tent in the yard when they got too big for the tree house.  Their friends came over and we had late night bonfires, roasting hot dogs and s'mores while lazily listening to the crickets and the train whistle in the distance while counting stars.  Sweet summertime teen romances flared up only to die down with the start of a new school year.

My summer was full of my kids.

Not so much, anymore.

Helena works full time.  Her boyfriend has relocated to Oregon, so when she's not at work, she's Skyping him.  That is how it should be.  When she has a day off, we spend it together, so I'm not totally alone, but her days off are few and far between.  It's not the same as when we all had summer vacation together.  She has grown up.

Will is gone.  We write letters.  He writes letters.  I had NO IDEA how difficult this would be for me. I think about him constantly.  Correction, I worry about him constantly!  He is doing something so difficult, only made worse by the disgusting heat he has to do it in!  I can't fall asleep at night for worrying about him.  I wake up early worrying about him.  If I could siphon off some of my energy and willpower and send it to him, I would in a heartbeat.

I thought I was prepared for this.  After all, I was an Army Sister, and a Navy Sister-in-Law.  And I was a Marines Step-Mom.  And I did worry about my brothers and my step son.  But not like this!  I can't decide if it is just because he is my youngest, or if it is because we share a special bond that is rare for a teen son and his Mom.  All I know is that I pray for him almost constantly.  I watch the news with extra concern.  It feels like the world is imploding and I want to keep my son safe, but I can't because he is a soldier and that is what he chose.

I have always been a worrier, anyways.  I used to worry about the kids walking home from Elementary School.  I worried when they got their driver's license.  I worried when they went on their first dates.  I worry whenever they have to face something new.

It is amazing I don't have a stomach full of ulcer holes, actually.

So, I wish I could go back in time and relive those summers past.

If you are in the thick of a child filled summer, CHERISH IT!  It will not come again!  Play with them! Swim with them!  Forget about the chores!  Who cares about the house!

Go!

Do stuff WITH the kids!

Make memories and savor every moment.