I didn't want to talk about the future. I just wanted to be popular. I wanted to be able to go places and hang out with my friends. I wanted to say something spectacular in class that would get me noticed and admired by that cute guy sitting over there. Who wants to look all nerdy and serious in school? That was for geeks like Kristen H (who got a full ride scholarship to Harvard, by the way)! I wanted to have people come over to my house to hang out without feeling embarrassed about all my brothers and sisters or the worn out look of the house. I wanted to have fun RIGHT NOW; not nose to the grind stone all the time so I could get into a college somewhere so I could take even harder classes and have my nose to the grind stone for another 4+ years!
Helena thinks about me the same way I thought about my Mom.
It turns out, life has a way of moving on whether you are ready for it or not. I graduated from high school completely unprepared and wondered 'now what?' I didn't want to be more responsible and more mature. If I could have gone to high school for another year I probably would have, just to put off growing up a little longer.
Because of my lack of preparation, I did not go to college right away. I procrastinated until my Mom finally put me in the car and made me apply for a job at Dairy Queen. My parents had to push me to apply to the local community college (Bellevue Community College), then my dad marched me right back there when I didn't sign up for enough classes to make it worth my money.
Community college was not a very fun place. There was no sense of community like there was in high school. Kind of ironic since community is part of the name. Some of the teachers were pretty far out there, too. No one in my classes had the same schedule, so there was a room full of people in the cafeteria, and no one to eat lunch with. There were lots of working adults at the community college. Not my idea of fun filled friendship opportunities.
When I finally got my act together and applied to BYU, I was pushing 21. Past the 'Teen Years' in age, but not in maturity. I worked my butt off and saved every dime. I was thrilled to be accepted, and finally hoped to have the fun filled college dorm life.
My first year at BYU was a mixed bag of moments of fun punctuating the near constant homesickness and worries about classes and finances. I had room-mates that were on scholarship and only needed to focus on classwork to keep their scholarship. I had room-mates who were fully funded by mommy and daddy, so they would go out partying nearly every night. And all of my room-mates were younger than me.
What is the point of this long winded blast from the past?
Only that now I am seeing it from the other side. I am the Mom, now. I am now realizing that my Mom was right all of those years ago and I was an immature teenager who was wrong.
Sorry Mom.
Why are these teen years so critical right at the moment when the person needing to make rational, mature decisions is at their most irrational?!
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