Do you ever grieve for the past? I know that sounds weird, so let me explain...
I was standing at the stove cooking some after-workout-eggs just after a difficult mom/teen conversation with my son. Suddenly I was flooded with overwhelming emotions as I flashed back to a time when he was my little boy. To that time when he would crawl into my lap with chubby arms full of dandelion bouquets, a dimple in his smile, and kisses just for me on his lips. I remembered all the hours curled up together with his favorite storybooks and stuffed animals when he told me I was the bestest Mommy in the whole wide world and that he wanted to marry me someday. I remembered tickle torture sessions, the 'steam roller', butterfly kisses, and giggling for no reason at all.
And I cried.
I love, love, love my children for who they are right now. I love all the fun things we can do now that they are older, and I enjoy having adult conversations with them.
But I miss my little ones. Not the screaming, temper tantrum, getting into things they shouldn't days. I miss all the sunshiny, summer playground, picnic with the stuffed animals days and the cozy cuddle-by-the-fire, snowball fight, sledding down the hill days. The "tickle me, mommy!" and "just one more story, Mommy" and "I'll love you forever, I'll love you for always" moments that made being the Mommy so wonderful and the best job in the whole wide world.
I'm crying right now.
My kids don't want to cuddle, now. Of course not. They are 15 and 18. It would be weird if they did.
But is it weird of me to miss it?
4 comments:
I think... that's why HF gives us the opportunities to be grandmas.
My kids are nowhere close to the age of yours, and I get sentimental as I see them grow up a bit more. While I am loving the interactions we're able to do now, I so miss it. Which is why I'm so hanging on to my youngest.
The other thought that just came to mind... I think we miss those days because we're no longer their heroes. They now know a lot of our faults. I can't explain it very well. : /
Yup. That's a huge part of it, but in the teen years, it's beyond losing hero status. Many times they really almost look down on me. Like I've fallen into the pit behind the pedestal. Someday when they become full grown adults and can see me again with sane, logical brains, we can finally be equals. But I will always miss my babies.
Nope. Not weird at all. I love that it's true that one day I'll miss my little ones being little! I'm "in it" so I can't see how I'll miss it yet, but I love watching them grow and learn!
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