confessions of a life double-lived

I have many stay-at-home mom type of friends. Most of them make comments to me along these lines...

"How do you find time to do it all?"

or

"You're amazing! I just don't know how you manage to do it all! I hardly have time to keep up with the house!"

These comments are usually said in an envying tone of voice.

The truth? I don't do it all! I am trying to cram two lives into the space of one, and it just doesn't all fit.

When I get up in the morning, I am usually dragging from going to bed too late the night before. Once the kids are dropped off at school, I mentally drop all thoughts concerning family and home and bend all my thoughts and will to my work life.

MY WORK LIFE

I love my job! There are almost 1,000 kids at my school (this does not include the 200 or so kindergartners who don't come to specialties). Each one of them believes they have a close and personal relationship with me. I cannot go anywhere in the school without being hailed, chased down, and hugged by someone or many little someones. I don't eat the cafeteria food because going in there when it is full of students is just a bit overwhelming.

I have 1/4 of those kids coming to my class during any given term. So I know about 250 kids' names on sight at any given time in the year, and many, many more names that remain with me all year because those kids are so memorable.

I cannot go anywhere in the Northern part of the county without running into students, parents, and former students. My family is used to me being suddenly attacked by flying little hugging kids who want me to meet their mom and dad. The other day, Helena and I were trying to order lunch at Subway when the young man behind the counter said, "You used to be my teacher!" He is now in college. I had a former student (now a bagger at a local grocery store) tell me that she is now married and has a little girl! Heavy sigh, those encounters make me feel old!

All of this probably sounds wonderful, right?

My contract is part-time so that I can live my other life of being a wife and mother. That means I don't stay at school long enough to take the time I really want to spend there. I am way behind in the grading. I have PILES AND PILES of things needing to be filed! I was not as quick to order the clay as I should have been and now I am stressed about whether it will arrive in time to do a clay project with the 4th grade before time runs out.

When I pull out of the parking lot at work, I mentally turn off all thoughts of students and work. All my thoughts turn to my kids, my husband, and my home.

MY HOME LIFE

I am usually 15 minutes late picking the kids up from school. The laundry piles up and ends up being washed on Sunday because Saturday is not enough time to do it all. The house cleaning is haphazard, at best. I don't cook at all. 'Fend for yourself' is standard practice around here. I don't have the time I would like for myself. I don't have time to paint, and I don't have time to exercise.

However, I have a really good relationship with my kids and my husband. My kids are good kids and I am proud of who they are becoming. I like to spend time with them, and I hope they like to spend time with me! How many moms can say that their 15 year old daughter confides in them?

So, yes.... I live two lives. Neither is lived to it's fullest potential. The stress has my face in constant acne breakouts. I sometimes have mental breakdowns when it all becomes too much to handle.

Would I change it?

NO!