Church Depression

These days, I struggle with getting the kids to go to church.  I can't seem to get them to want to come with me.  So, I go without them.

Then, I see all their friends sitting with their families.  Those parents don't have any difficulty getting their kids to attend... why do I?  I know that later, after Sacrament meeting, Will's friends will walk over to our house to try to convince him to come to Sunday School with them.  He usually turns them away.  But that never stops them from trying.

I have asked around about this dilemma before.  I know many people (my parents included) who have told me; "I simply didn't give them a choice.  If they want to live under my roof, they have to attend church."

Really?

Are you really ready and willing to let your child move out of your house at the age of 15, because you forced him/her to go to church or get out?  Do you really think that forcing them to attend will give them a firm belief in the gospel?  It is more likely to give them a firm and abiding dislike of their parents.  Because, let's face it.  Most kids are trapped by that statement.  They can 'run away' to a friend's house and the parents will just have the courts drag them back, since the parents are the legal guardians.  And let's just analyze the Christian content of that statement.  Did Christ force people to follow him, or believe in him?  So, should I force my children to be good Christians by attending Sunday meetings?  Those sort of absolute (and ignorant) statements are not Christian in nature, and are not helpful to me in trying to find a way to inspire my children to want to attend church.

To me, that ranks right up there with; "I won't let my son get his driver's license until he earns his Eagle Scout."

Wow.  That is very manipulative.  What does one have to do with the other?  Do you make your daughters get their Young Woman's Recognition Award before they get their licenses, too?  (The answer, there, by the way, has almost always been 'no'.)  So.  Sexist and manipulative.  I see.

Anyway, it makes me very sad to know that my kids don't see church as a means of getting closer to Christ.  They don't see the gospel, they see the imperfect people there who are trying to live the gospel.  Or not.  There is some hypocrisy in every congregation.  Goodness knows, I am probably one of the worst offenders there.

I don't have any answers here.  The only thing I know how to do is tell them it makes me sad, and ask them to come to church.  If not for themselves, then at least come for me.  I am their mother.  I am not asking them to do anything that would be bad, dangerous, or make them break any personal/moral codes.  It seems like such a small gift to give me, if only they would.

And  I pray for them.

Today's message in Sacrament Meeting was actually about Sacrament Meeting itself.  You may recall that I told you there are two other meetings after Sacrament, making church attendance on Sunday last 3 hours.  Of all the meetings, Sacrament is supposed to be the most important, and the most reverent.  So people can feel the spirit and come away feeling uplifted.  So less active congregation members and visitors to the congregation can feel welcome. 

Our meetings are often loud.  Before the Bishop starts the meeting, there are usually loud conversations going on.  People arranging appointments and activities (for visits or for scout stuff, that sort of thing), or just catching up on each others lives since they saw one another last Sunday.  When the Bishop stands up to the pulpit, people hurry to their seats for the meeting to start. This is not isolated to my congregation, either.  It tends to be a church wide phenomenon.  The speakers today reminded us that such visiting is appropriate out in the foyer, not in the chapel.  The chapel should be a place of reverence and introspection.  Of course, we can't possibly force little children to be silent, and parents have always struggled with teaching children how to be reverent in the chapel, but how ironic that the adults have to be reminded of the very thing they try to teach their children!

After the meeting, as I approached the pulpit to give the Bishop my tithing, one of my visiting teachers came up to me.  Visiting Teachers are a program in the church where two ladies are partnered up and assigned some other ladies in the congregation to visit monthly and make sure they are doing well.  In theory, a great system.  With a lot of love and friendship, a beautiful system.  It builds community and provides the opportunity for both service and a way to seek help if needed.

Well, as I said, one of my visiting teachers came up to me as I was standing in the chapel, at the pulpit, giving the Bishop my tithing.  She asked if they (both ladies) could come visit this afternoon.  I wonder if she was even aware of the irony of her request following the message we just received?

I said 'yes'.

Then I skipped out on the rest of church so I could clean my house for the expected visit.  I will admit, though, that I was going to go home anyways, so I can't really blame her for skipping Sunday School.  But I really hadn't intended to clean house on the Sabbath.

Oh well.