Overwrought

My heart is overfull of emotions.  Overwrought.

It hit last night.  The reality that he is really leaving.

We decided to go to the lake one last time.  We loaded up the gear and decided to try out Lincoln Beach, down on the south side of the lake.  We had never been to that beach, though I had ridden on my bike past it during my half Ironman a couple of years ago.  It's a 50 minute drive away, so it's kind of ridiculous that we drove past both Lindon Beach and the Provo boat harbor (both places where we play).  But, new things are good, right?

Wrong.

Lincoln Beach turned out to be a great place to kayak, but not much else.

The shoreline was rocky instead of sandy.  Rocks with muddy slime.  The water was SHALLOW.  I mean ankle-calf depth for most of the way out to the end of the jetty, with a bed of mud/slime to walk in.  Once past the jetty, the water deepened slightly (maybe waist deep) and the waves were BIG!  The evening breeze travels over the lake from North to South, so what may have started as little ripples to the north had built up to big rolling breakers at the south end.

Lincoln Beach is out in the middle of farm country.  It seemed to draw a fisherman and "rednecks" crowd.  There were camp chairs plunked down in the middle of the bay, with a group of guys lounging while fly fishing.  Not a big deal, other than we felt like we were in their way.

Bill and Helena were going to float around on blow up loungers, but one floating dead fish convinced Helena that she DID NOT like this beach and she was done with the water.  They got out and explored on land, instead.

Meanwhile, Will was struggling to get up on his board.  The protected water was too shallow for the windsurf board.  Will couldn't put down his dagger board (the tail fin that allows the board to trim forward instead of being dragged sideways by the wind).  Beyond the jetty the waves and wind were too much for his sail.  At least, too much without a harness for him to clip himself onto the boom.  And he had left the harness at home, not anticipating the conditions.

So, there I was, paddling around in my kayak, watching Will get frustrated and angry on his last night at home.  Suddenly, it hit me that he was leaving.  And I just couldn't contain the emotions.

Many years ago, when my youngest brother was killed in a car accident, I discovered that a great release for pent up emotion was to beat it out in physical exercise.  I recall one particular bike ride when I was able to pedal like mad while the tears streamed down.

Last night I had my kayak.  So, I turned my face to the wind and I attacked those waves as the tears flowed.  It hurt and it felt good all at the same time.  I'm not sure if there is a better way to describe it.  I took on a lot of water and thought (for the first time on that lake) that maybe I should have put on a life jacket.  They were good waves!

The evening ended on a good note, with everyone laughing and happy at a nearby Wendy's for dinner.  Well, mostly happy.  Like I said, I'm overwrought.










And now he is gone.

We drove him down to the recruiting station this morning and saw him off with the families of 3 other recruits who are also going to Ft. Sill.  I think I did a fairly decent job of not melting down in front of everybody.  Sure, there were some tears, but considering how much I was feeling in the moment, I feel like I held it in pretty well.

He left his room a mess, but I'm staying out of it for a few days, until I can get a better handle on my emotional state.

I will be a weepy mess for a day or two.  Or maybe a week or two.

Don't mind me.  I'll be back to status quo, soon.