High School Registration for Will!

Registration is SO STRESSFUL!  Gah!

The registration program went live at 3:30.  We were ready and signed in right at 3:30, but... no link.

At 3:37... still no link.

Hmm.

Then Will noticed something at the top of the page.  He saw a drop down menu that currently said 'American Fork Junior High'.  We clicked on it and saw that there was an option to change it to 'American Fork High School'.  As soon as we selected the high school, THE LINK APPEARED! 

DOUBLE GAH!!

That meant that we missed 7 minutes of registration opportunity!

You might think that is overly dramatic, but we were unable to register Will for the specific English teacher we wanted because during those seven minutes, his English classes completely filled.  That's right.  Seven minutes.  He is the most popular teacher in the school.  Literally.

Ah, well.  Will is now registered for his sophomore year of high school.  I wasn't able to get the math teacher I wanted for him, or the US History class I wanted him to take (all US Hist classes were full long before sophomore registration because it is typically taken in junior year).  But, he has an excellent schedule nonetheless.

Here it is...

A Day

1. Seminary
2. Art Foundations/Woodworking
3. English 10
4. Computer Tech./Health

B Day

1. Algebra 2
2. Chemistry
3. Computer Science
4. Japanese 2

Classes listed next to each other with a slash are single semester classes.  The computer science class is a programming class.  Will is seriously interested in becoming a game design engineer.  He  knows that U of U offers an engineering degree specifically in game design and that is what he is aiming for.  This will be a good first step in finding out if that is truly where his interests and talent take him. 

Whew!  Glad that's done for another year!

Dentist today

The kids and I had our six month check up today.  I have to say, I am getting less and less satisfied with this dentist.  The hygienist does do a quick and thorough job, I admit.  But, then I end up laying in the chair for half an hour (with the kids both sitting there waiting, too... and getting hungry) until the dentist finally breezes in and spends less than 5 minutes looking at all three of our sets of x-rays.  He gives a quick verdict and then breezes off without even saying good bye!  Then, of course, there is the fact that the kids and I have not been given toothbrushes and whatnot in over two years!  I might have thought this was due to office cutbacks with the bad economy, but they never fail to give Bill a take home packet when he has his check up!  What's up with that?!  I ended up having to ask for them this time, after which the hygienist filled a goody bag for us, but she was not planning on giving us anything before I asked.

Anyways, the bad news is that Helena has two cavities.  The first of her life.  Poor girl!  She is scheduled to have them fixed two weeks from today.  I offered to go with her, but she said she'd rather go alone.  So, I told her I would put the cost of it into her account and she can drive herself and pay for it, too. 

One Week Until the Race

Today I ran 8 miles on the treadmill and feel just great!  It took 1 hr. and 36 min.  Endorphins are wonderful things.  I can always make myself feel better by burning some calories.  In this case, a LOT of calories! 

1,317 calories according to the machine. 

The Thanksgiving Point half marathon is exactly one week away and I am excited/nervous.  I have never done anything like this before and I am afraid I'll mess it up somehow. 

• What if I take a wrong turn at some point?  Goofy to worry about, I know.  The route will probably be well marked.  
• What if I go so slow that the aid/water stations pack up and go home before I finish? 
• What if it rains?
• What if I get shin splints?
• What if I can't breathe when it is over?

Most of those questions are facetious, but that last question has been on my mind a lot, lately.  I have discovered I have EIA.  That stands for exercise induced asthma.  If I run too far, or in too cold of weather, I have an asthma attack AFTER running (not during).  It is weird.  I can run and run... and run for just about forever at a nice slow 5 mile/hour pace.  But when I stop, or if I push it faster, holy cow!  I cough and wheeze like a chain smoker!  I didn't today, because I chose to run on a treadmill in the hot and slightly humid cardio room at the gym.  That is gentle on my lungs.  Though you should have seen me at the end, I was SOAKED!  When I came home for my cool down before showering, you could see white salt residue all over me from sweating so much.  Hee, hee!  It makes me happy to sweat.  I am so weird.

If the asthma turns out to be a problem after this first race, I'll go to the doctor for an inhaler in order to be prepared for the next race!

To Tell the Truth

I haven't written much lately.  That happens when life becomes too stressful and I don't have anything upbeat or humorous to say.   I would love to use this blog to vent, but I have been reluctant to do that from the start because it is read by others.  I don't need advice.  I don't even want encouragement, ungrateful though that sounds.  So, I have kept this blog sunny and cheerful (for the most part), leaving out life's darker, less appealing side.

But today I am going to write it.  All of it.

Well, not all of it.  Some of the things that get me depressed are too dark and deep to be brought into the light.  So, just know that all of what I am about to write is surface depression and that there are a few more deep wounds that I will never share with anyone... for any reason.

First, I feel like I need to explain why it is so hard for me to share.  I was raised by a Norwegian man and a southern woman.  That might sound off the point, but really, it isn't.  My Norwegian father taught me to keep my emotions bottled up.  Norwegians are stoic.  No one else really cares about what you are going through, just the results you can achieve.  My southern mother taught me that no matter how awful things might be on the inside, a true lady will never let it show.  She will smile and show the world that everything is just wonderful, even if it isn't.

So, that is what I have done.  All my life.  When things got too tough, it is easiest to just isolate myself.  I pull away from friends and family.  In that way, I can insulate myself from feeling more.

But, every once in a while, it all gets to be too much and I boil over.  Something prevents me from isolating myself.  My temper flares and I end up saying or doing things I regret later.

Anyways.  Here goes with my list of surface depressants.  In no particular order.

• Finances.  We always seem to run out of paycheck before the end of the month.  I did the taxes and was shocked and dismayed to see just how much money we made last year.  Dismayed because we have literally NOTHING to show for all that work.  We ended up owing an additional $500 in taxes.  On the up side, we had the money to pay it.  The down side?  That is all the money we had. Period.  Now we are mid week with no money to even make it to Friday and bills coming due.  I am 40 years old.  I should have a better handle on things.  We should have a comfortable emergency fund and a healthy nest egg growing for retirement.  I shouldn't have to stress out because my daughter is out of lunch money and I have neither sack lunch groceries nor money to give her.  I really have no one to blame but myself.

• iPod.  It is still broken.  Repairing it is just an expense I can't afford.  I run my first ever half marathon in 1 1/2 weeks.  I will have to use an old mp3 player that has a very limited song list on it.  At least I can feel grateful I have that much. 

• Kids not going to church.  This one is ambiguous.  I struggle with church attendance sometimes, too.  I dislike the stereotype of "Utah Mormons", but like every stereotype, there is a reason it exists.  I think everyone in my family struggles with frustration over the views and attitudes of some of our more narrow minded neighbors.  It is hard to go to church for the gospel's sake when the people there drive you up the wall.

• Being a ( ____ ) Mother.  I really don't think I am a very good mother.  I lack the determination to follow through on discipline.  Chores don't get done and I fail to notice.  I will have asked one of the kids to do something, then fail to pay attention to whether they are doing it or not.  The result of that is that my kids have been trained to say 'yes, I'll do it', then blow it off and not do it at all.  This has bled through to their attitude about school work, which is why both of them struggle with bad grades.  So, while I rail on them to be better students, inside I know it is my fault they aren't because I trained them (inadvertently) to procrastinate.

• Work.  The easiest part of my life.  For the most part, I like what I do.  However, being treated like a second class citizen can really run me down.  Who treats me like a second class citizen?  Many of the other teachers.  In their opinion, stated or otherwise, I am there to provide babysitting time for them while they take their prep time.  To them, the students are always 'theirs', never 'mine'.  If they want to keep someone for an extra 10 minutes, then send them to me mid-lesson, I should just suck it up and deal with it because I am not a 'real' teacher and what I teach is 'fluff'.  If I am late to release the class before theirs so I impinge on their prep time, they get irate.  If they are late bringing their class to me, though, there is no apology and no guilt.  Also, since I am only 'part time' instead of 'full time', I receive a reduced classroom budget.  1,100 students and 3/4 the money a 'regular' classroom teacher gets with his/her 24-36 students.  I also get to pay medical insurance premiums that my 'full time' counterparts don't pay.  Oh, and let's not forget that next year I get to do all of this for less money, since my contract is being reduced.  Less income, more medical insurance premiums, and a smaller classroom budget.  Can't wait.

• House and yard.  When I get depressed, I shut down.  Usually, I read.  Other people have praised me for my reading prowess.  But really?  When I bury myself in a book, it is because I am taking shelter and escaping from my own life, which I find intolerable.  For the past couple of weeks I have buried myself in watching old episodes of 'Bones' on Netflix.  I literally shut out the world as a coping mechanism.  That means that nothing else has gotten done.  The house is a mess.  The messier it gets, the less I want to clean it.  I did clean most of the upstairs today before sitting down to write this, but only because my daughter shamed me into it.  The yard is still a muddy, dirty mess.  I haven't had pride in my yard for over two years now.  I feel ashamed every time I look at it, which is every day.

• And this brings me to why I am writing this in the first place.  Helena's accusations.  She was annoyed with me today and told me some of what she thinks of me.  It hurts to hear her tell me that I am not a good mother or a good friend.  That I am selfish and that is why no one likes me.  That all I ever do is sit on my computer and watch 'Bones'.  That I ought to get off my butt and clean the house.  That I don't know how to be anything other than a teacher.  She said 'teacher' like it was a dirty word.  That I ought to listen without trying to solve. 

So, thanks, Helena.  You are right.  On all counts.  I am selfish and self absorbed.  But I thought it was worth writing this to, what?  Justify myself?  Explain that there is more going on than is seen on the surface?  That even though I have vented about the minor things that get me depressed, they aren't even the true deep down reasons?

I don't know.  Sorry for subjecting you to this rant.  Hopefully I will have something cheerful to write about soon.

Tax Day

Ugh.

Usually I get the taxes done in February and we have spent our refund long before April 15th rolls around.

This year I procrastinated.  Somehow I was dreading doing them this year.

Now I realize why.

We aren't getting a refund.

In fact, we owe more than what was withheld.

I can't figure out why that is.  Our income did not substantially increase.  There really was very little difference between last year and this year on our end of the stick.  Apparently the new tax laws were designed to stick it to us?

We owe an additional $500.  Grr!

So, I waited and didn't file until today.  The last possible day before incurring a penalty.

I am in a grumpy mood.

ConAg Expo 2011

Bill's work sent him to the annual ConAg Expo in Vegas.  He didn't have to go, but he decided to take Will with him and make it a guy's weekend.  I didn't want to go (ugh.  Boring expo!).  Besides, someone needed to be home for Helena and her Prom.  They were gone for three days, but I think they only spent the first day at the expo.  They sure brought home lots of loot from it, though.  Will ended up with several shirts, about 13 lanyards, a hat, and who knows what else.

On the second day, they went out and 'toured' Hoover dam and the new bridge!  Isn't it beautiful?  They actually walked across it!  I was surprised to see video that Bill took of Will actually leaning over the railing and even joking about jumping off of it.

You see, when Will was little, he was afraid of heights.  Even open risers or metal stairs would freak him out back in the day.

I will also admit, I am glad I wasn't there because it would have freaked me out seeing him goof around on something so high.  I have an overactive imagination when it comes to horrible ways my kids could be hurt or killed.

Which reminds me.  On their last day out, they stopped and watched a dune buggy (?) race.  They were standing maybe 20 feet away (with no guard rail) from these dune buggies that would go barreling by at high speed.  Bill shot some video of that, too.  In one of the videos, a dune buggy sprayed him with gravel and you can hear him react ("Ouch!").

Yeah.  Definitely sounds like a guy's weekend.

Prom 2011

We ordered a dress about a week before anyone asked her.  We ordered it too late.

Prom was last Saturday and the dress still hasn't arrived.

That's okay, though.  She still looked beautiful in the dress she wore to Preference and I am certain that she will have an opportunity to wear the new dress next year.  Maybe for Homecoming or Preference.

She was asked to Prom by a boy in her math class named Seve Trevino.  That is actually a nickname, short for Sevestian and it is pronounced "Sevie".

Their 'day date' was breakfast at Kneaders and the Holi Festival of Colors at the Hare Krishna temple in Spanish Fork.  It is a celebration of Spring where participants throw colorful chalk (replacing the ground flower petals of 5,000 years ago) at each other.  This is a big deal locally, and more than 30,000 people attended this year.  Helena came home from it VERY colorful and seemed to have a good time.

I met Seve when he picked Helena up for the day date.  He seemed very stiff and didn't smile even once (I never did see him smile).  I felt like he was extremely nervous and wondered if it was his first time meeting his date's parent(s).  When he came back to pick Helena up for the evening, I did the standard mom taking pictures routine.  No smile again.

 
They were in a Prom group with Seve's friends, whom Helena did not really know.  They went to dinner at Olive Garden.  The prom this year was held at the Sleepy Ridge Golf Course club house.

It's beautiful, isn't it?  I always felt bad for the school gym sort of prom.  It sort of makes dressing up in a fancy ball gown pointless if you are just going to be dancing on the 3 point line under a bunch of crepe paper streamers and the home team scoreboard.  A building like the golf clubhouse looks like just the sort of place to wear a fancy dress!

Helena said she had a nice time, though apparently Seve talked a bit too much about video games and not enough about things that interest Helena.  This was their first date, and according to Helena, their last.  She still thinks he is a nice kid, if a bit weird.  Today she told me that he asked her if she would be his 'girlfriend'.  She tells me she let him down gently (my words, not hers) by telling him she didn't have time for that sort of thing since she really needs to focus on school right now.  His response was to ask her if they were still friends, though?

Ahh!  High school!  Does it ever really change?

In the meantime, if you are reading this and you have young boys to raise...

Will you make sure, when the time is right, that you teach them how to meet and greet the parents and how to hold lively conversations with their Prom date?!?

Financial Setback

The district has built two new schools out near mine.  The closest of the two will be filled only with students taken from my school.  We are at a student population of 1,200 this year; as we have been for the past 5 years.  Next year, our student population will be 700.  Our faculty is being cut in half.  No one is being 'fired', they just have to be relocated to another faculty.  Probably one of the two new schools.

There has never been any worry that I would lose my position.  So, even though I felt for the other teachers who have to find a position at another school, I felt kind of smug that I was secure.

However, I learned yesterday that the district has cut our Principal's budget on 'specialists' contract hours.  So, while I still have a job, my hours are being reduced.  I have always been on a .75 contract.  Next year I am being cut to a .6 contract.

I have been in a funk about it since I found out.  I ran the figures and between a cut in pay and an increase in insurance premiums I will be making $500 less next year...PER MONTH!  Overall, it is a $6,600 cut in salary for me.

So, what to do?  It feels like a slap in the face.

I could look for another position elsewhere in the district, however...

1. I was one  of the few elementary level art teachers in the district NOT already cut to the .6 contract, so there aren't any other elementary art positions out there to go to.
2. I can't just switch to a grade level classroom at my school because anyone with a full contract has priority over me, even though I have seniority.
3. While I could transfer to a grade level classroom elsewhere in the district, do I really want to?  I have been happy teaching art... much happier than when I taught sixth grade!  Also, who wants to be low man on the totem pole?  Not me!

I have thought about maybe looking for a 7th-8th grade art position.  I think that would be a blast!  Those are quite rare, though, and I will need to be patient for that opportunity.

In the meantime, I am trying to see the positive in this.  Most likely, a .6 contract will mean only working Tuesday-Friday... no Mondays.  I could definitely live with a four day work week!  I will just be even more broke than I am already.

Sigh.

Japan

It seems absolutely heartless of me that I can write about my own small doings and frustrations without even once mentioning the tragedy happening in Japan.  I have watched, with the rest of the world, in grief over the catastrophic death toll.  There is no recrimination about lack of preparedness, because really, how could you possibly prepare for such a force of nature?  All there can be is shock, horror, and prayers... for the living and the dead.

I hope to someday print this blog in a bound book, since it has become my journal.  For that reason, I will elaborate that I am referring to the 8.9 magnitude earthquake followed by more than 4 tsunamis that cut a merciless path of destruction and death through northwestern Japan on March 11th.  Though literally thousands have lost their lives (4,126 is the current death toll... with more than 12,000 still unaccounted for!), and millions are now homeless, there are amazing stories of survival...

Like the 4 month old baby ripped out of her mother's arms in the torrent of black, deadly water found alive and well in a pile of debris; reunited with her parents who both, miraculously, also survived!

Then there is the 70 year old woman found alive and determined to survive after also being swept away.

How about the 65 year old man found and rescued off the tattered remains of the roof of his home, drifting 10 miles out to sea?

Then, there is the fact that all LDS missionaries in the district most heavily hit were all conveniently at a zone conference that morning, 35 miles inland and out of harm's way.  I hate to say that God's hand was in that, after all, where was God's hand for the thousands who perished?  Still, it was an un-looked for blessing.

And now, to add insult to injury, the tsunami knocked out the power to a nuclear power plant shutting down the cooling tanks and leading to an imminent core melt down with radiation spilling out over the decimated landscape.

Things are grim in Japan.  It makes me feel guilty for my safety and security even as it makes me grateful for all that I have, especially my family!

The Downside to Clay

I have been spending the past two weeks on fourth grade clay projects in the art room.  Usually, each grade level from third to sixth gets to do one clay project per year.  This year, however, the fourth grade lucked out and got two projects.  This is thanks to Mr. Larson.

Mr. Larson is new to our school this year, but not new to the district.  He was the fourth grade science teacher at my children's elementary school.  Helena and Will both had him back in the day.  He got enticed out to our school this year since (I think) it is closer to his home.  I think there was another reason he told me about, but I can't remember and it really doesn't matter anyways.  Kind of a bummer that he'll be forced to relocate at the end of this year, along with half of the staff since we'll be losing more than half our student population.  That is a topic for another day, though.

Well, Mr. Larson happens to be an excellent teacher.  I have know that for years, so when he came to me with a request, I was happy to grant it.  He wondered if I would be willing to make Fremont figurines with his class as a follow up on some of their social studies.

Great!  I did it with the whole fourth grade and we had a ton of fun!

Then, of course, I still wanted to do my traditional coil construction pottery with the kids, so I decided to wrap that lesson up in Anasazi pottery to keep with the social studies theme and they LOVED it!

Here is the perpetual problem with clay projects...

What do you do with the student who was absent for the making of the project?  Whether due to illness, or a family trip to Disneyland (that one happens a LOT), how do you handle that?  Everyone else has one to glaze, but not him/her.

Or how about the kid who started one, but was absent when the rest of the class finished?

What about the kid who breaks their clay project before it can be fired?  Or broke it on their way home and now mommy is on the phone with you wanting you to help her precious child make a new one so he/she will stop crying about it?

These are all frustrating problems that I deal with on every art project, but it is magnified by the clay projects because the kids care about the clay project about a thousand times more than any other project, and it is next to impossible to get them 'caught up'.  I refuse to run the full (high electric bill) kiln for ONE little clay piece!  I also don't like giving up my lunches day after day to children who just spent the past week in Disneyland instead of class!  Or for students who wrecked the first one, and are just going to wreck the second one because that is their nature or talent.

Alright.  Enough grumping.

Good night.

Ragnar Relay - Wasatch Back 2011

So, I am in the middle of training for the Thanksgiving Point Half Marathon on April 30th.  I am still planning to enter the Utah Valley Half Marathon on June 11th.

And now I am the 12th and final member of a Ragnar Relay team running the Wasatch Back Ragnar on June 17-18th!  It is a crazy day and night 188 mile relay race from Logan to Park City with each member of the team doing 3 legs of the relay.

I am still me.  I am still me.  I am still me.

If I keep saying that over and over again I can get through this training.

I have never attempted anything like this before in my life.  I have been a successful couch potato for many, many years.  This feels like a whole new way of living...  One sore legs day to the next!

Bill's niece, Liz, started building this team months ago when she registered for the now sold out event.  She recruited Bill for her team and he told her I was in training for the half marathons and that I'd probably be willing to be the final team member that she was trying to find.  She has us all scheduled to go to a running clinic down at the BYU track and field building in a couple of weeks to have our gait analyzed and who knows what else.

In the meantime, I have discovered a new training tool!  It is called Map My Run.  It is a free website (there are paid prescriptions, but the free version works great) that allows you to map out your running routes and it will calculate the distances for you.  It will also calculate your rate/speed if you tell it how long it took you to run your route.  You can also search for other routes that other people have made in your area.  For instance, the rec. center has built two 7 mi. routes that start and end right at the rec. center a block from my house.

This is exactly what I was looking for!  I have been jogging my longer mileage workouts on the track, because I wanted to make sure I got the full distance in, but the track is FLAT.  I need to train on ups and downs.  Now I have found out that my two standard runs outside are 3.9 miles and 5.25 miles.  I have created an 8.5 mile, a 10 mile, and a 13.1 mile route that I can follow easily!  Woot, woot!

All does, indeed, seem lost.

Aurgh.  My iPod is still on the blink.  For just a short little window while I was writing my last blog post, it seemed to have recovered just fine and I was reinstalling apps and rearranging them.

Then, it froze again.

And it hasn't recovered since.  It is still spinning its proverbial wheels as I type this.

I CAN'T JOG WITHOUT MUSIC!  Phooey.

I asked Helena if I could borrow her iPod yesterday and she was happy to loan it.  While I am grateful to her for the loaner, her music threw me off.  Let's just say it is not to my tastes.  This is less a generational thing than the fact that Helena has quirky tastes in music.  Her exercise playlist has a Quidditch song and a bunch of French rap mixed in with more familiar tunes.

So, today I will borrow Will's iPod.  I looked over his music list (which is surprisingly small, btw) and found that I knew most, if not all the songs on it.  He is also happy to loan it to me.

Still, I have to find a solution to my frozen iPod.  I think I am going to have to break down and buy AppleCare and take it in to be looked at.

Harumph.