Raising Teens

I would love to post some funny or cute thing my kids have done recently, like all those 'mommy blogs' out there chronicling the lives of their adorable... and YOUNG... offspring.

The truth is, raising teenagers is not a cute and adorable thing.  It is hard, and stressful, and not nearly so fun.  I think there was some divine plan in getting to go through all the years of cute and fun before facing this stage, or our species would have killed itself off long ago.  We can love our teenagers through thick and thin because we have built up a wealth of happy and loving times to recall and sustain us when the going gets rough.

I do know one thing for sure.  High school was WAY more fun the first time around!  You know... when I was the student.

My son has not been able to adapt to his Algebra 2 teacher's college lecture style of teaching and is going to fail this term.  At least, it would take a miracle for him to pass.  Not that long ago, thoughts like that sent me into a panic.  Now, I am confident we can overcome this.  I went in to see the guidance counselor today and requested that he be switched to another teacher.  The counselor was happy to help.  We'll put him in summer school for Alg. 2, quarter 1 if need be.  I am hoping things go well next term for Will.

On the up side, Will has a mind for chemistry.  He gets 'As' on the tests in that class.  I sat and watched him do his online homework for that class and was amazed at how easily he calculated the half life of radioactive decay.  He really gets it.  And, he has 100% in Computer Science.  That is the class where they learn computer programming languages.  He is learning C++ right now.  Just last week, he tapped into the programming code of an old PC game we have called Trespasser.  He rewrote part of the code to give himself unlimited ammo and it worked!

Helena has been getting really stellar grades this term.  So stellar, that I stopped checking up on her classes online.  Big mistake.

She has been skipping out on Orchestra class for two weeks, now.  TWO WEEKS!  It is last period on B days, so she's been driving home (so she says), then driving back to pick up the boys after school.  No one was the wiser.  Until I ran into her Orchestra teacher at the local WalMart, that is.

I won't give you the blow by blow of how things went down with that discovery.  Let's just say that I was devastated.  She lied to a lot of people, including me.  She has a TON of truant absences that have frozen her credit in that class.  She will not receive credit for this quarter of orchestra until the absences are made up in attendance school.  It will take her a while, too, since a truancy carries double jeopardy penalties.  That means that for every one truancy, she has to go to attendance school twice to balance the scales.

She is currently grounded from pretty much everything.  Her driving privileges have been revoked.  Her phone and iPod have been confiscated.  I changed her password on facebook, twitter, and YouTube.  She is only allowed on the computer for homework.  She is restricted to our property unless accompanying her father or me.  No friends allowed over.  All of this will remain in force until she passes this term of orchestra AND has undone all the truancies in attendance school.

You would think that will all those consequences, she would rebel and throw a huge fit.  Actually, the opposite happened.  She was so apologetic and understanding!  She made a point of telling me she was not mad at me and that she was truly very sorry.  I believe her.  We all made some colossally stupid mistakes when we were teens.

I am looking forward to lifting these restrictions.  And I can't wait to see Helena's friends back around the house again, too! (Hi, Megan... I miss you!)

Now, why in the world am I telling you all of this?!?  You would think that I'd want to keep all of this to myself.  After all, whenever our kids fail at something, whether it is academic or moral, we blame ourselves.  I must have done something wrong, or not done enough of the right thing and that is why my kids struggle, right?  That is what we all tell ourselves inside.  We see how great their cousins are turning out, or the neighbor's kids for that matter and we feel like failures as parents.  Everyone else (in the family, in our circle of friends, etc.) has perfect kids, so I must be the screw up...

The truth is, all teens go through difficult times.  It might present itself in different ways, but the road to finding yourself, to figuring out how to be an independent being, is full of stumbling blocks, pot holes, and blind turns.  The tendency we parents have of covering that up and only broadcasting the good and wonderful things our kids do sends a false message out there to other parents, who then wonder what in the world they did wrong, because their kids are struggling and everyone else seems to have perfect children!

My kids are beautiful in my eyes.  I see so much that is good...no... amazing in them!  There are difficult times to overcome, but I still love them fiercely, no matter what the struggles are.  I hope they will always know that.  And I pray for their happiness.