Last night, Will had a holiday band concert. Helena couldn't make it because she had a Latin club activity, and Bill couldn't get off work in time to make it, either. So I went by myself. His band played very well, then he and I ducked out early so he could go home and catch up on homework.
While at the concert, I sat next to another former 'ballet mom'. Her daughter was in Helena's ballet class years and years ago, but quit before the training got very intense. I don't think her daughter ever managed to earn her pointe shoes. The other mom had a son the same age as mine who was also in the band program. Of course, everyone around here has someone in the band program!
We got to talking and she asked me if Helena was still dancing. After telling her about Helena's decision to quit when the pressure got to be too much, she reminisced about an older dancer she remembered who had a private tutor to get her through her high school classes in order to free up more time for ballet.
That dancer is actually currently the principal dancer for Utah Regional Ballet, Rachelle Jardine. One of the sweetest girls I have ever met.
Well, anyways, although Will didn't mind the others missing his concert (since he is only playing an instrument under duress and his heart is not in it), they both felt bad for missing it. So, once everyone was back home, we went out to eat to 'celebrate' Will's concert.
While eating dinner, I mentioned what this other 'ballet mom' had said. It is no secret that the most serious dancers push all else aside in order to focus fully on dance. Helena commented that she wished she could have done that, too, but knew we would never have allowed her to.
And here is where we play "what if?" Would I have bent over backward to rearrange her life, lighten her school load, so she could have stayed in dance? The truth is, it would have been nearly impossible when she was 15 (the age she was when she quit), because I couldn't drive her around during the day.
However, if she had stuck it out for one more agonizing year, I probably would have helped her lighten her load somehow once she was 16 and driving herself.
And here is where regret comes in.
Do I regret letting her quit?
Absolutely not! Our relationship has improved drastically since she quit ballet. I have gotten to spend lots more time with her over the past two years that has been very precious to me. I am less stressed about the constant strain on our family finances. And, truthfully, with the politics and money involved, the studio and company had already chosen their 'darlings', and Helena wasn't one of them. Bottom line, I got my daughter back.
Does she regret quitting?
I think so.
I am sorry for that. I don't want her to live with regrets so soon in life. I hope she realizes that URB is not the only dance company or opportunity on the planet, and that she doesn't have to go crazy all out in dance in order to enjoy it. I am hoping that when she registers for college, she can sign up for some dance classes there, and maybe get a minor in dance, just for the fun of it!
In the meantime, stay tuned for a post with the video of Will's band playing "The Polar Express"!
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