Stress

So.  The doc says 'reduce stress'.

That's not going to happen.

Being the mother of teenagers makes that little statement impossible.

Most of the time I have a wonderful time with my kids and we have built a lifetime of fantastic memories to fall back on when times are tough.

That's a good thing, because sometimes living with teenagers is the pits.

When things don't go well and tempers flare, my stress level skyrockets.  When their grades slip, my stress level goes up.  When they are out on the town with friends and my imagination gets the better of me (drat that imagination, anyways!), worrying about their safety, my stress level goes up.

I get so frustrated when one or both of the kids let their grades tank.  Then it becomes crisis city around here until they manage to somehow scrape by with a passing grade.  I remind.  I harass.  I yell.  I ground.  I confiscate.  I send them to school early.  I insist they stay after.  I STRESS.

I have tried all sorts of reward systems for good grades, including paying them weekly for good marks.  No matter what I try, we are still riding this roller coaster.  I want off.

The kids think I don't understand how difficult school is.

They are wrong.  I understand very well.  If I went to high school now, it would be very easy for me because I have a well organized brain that has been trained in study habits and organizational skill through SEVEN years of college work, over FIFTEEN years of work experience, and SEVENTEEN years of parenting.  If I went back to high school with my 15-17 year old brain, however, I would struggle just the same as my kids are doing now.

A teenage brain is foggy.  It is still forming connections.  However, the connections made at this age are not as strong as those made when you are little.  That makes learning harder.  The material being presented is new.  So new that it doesn't stick in the brain easily.  Therefore, it takes MORE WORK to learn when you are a teen than at any other time!  To make strong connections, you have to learn, practice, learn it again, practice it again, and again, and again, ... and again!  That is why repetitive homework is actually so beneficial in high school.

And then, at this time when learning is harder and takes longer, teenage years are full of distractions!  Friends take on a much more important role.  There are places to go and things to do with those friends.  Who wants to stay home and puzzle over math or science?  Or, if your friends are unavailable, there is always youtube, facebook, and video games to play with.

You can see the temptation.  After a long day of schoolwork, a little no-brainer play looks much more appealing than tackling homework.

Here's where I have to step in and be the bad guy.  I have to be the enforcer.  I have to limit time with friends.  I have to take away toys.  I really hate that.  You really think I like it when my kids hate me for being so mean?  It is stressful.  I cried myself to sleep last night.  I have to wonder if my mom ever did?

So, no.  The stress level is pretty much going to stay where it is until the kids move out.  At that point, it will either go down, or up.  I really don't know which.  I guess that depends on the kids.

Hmm.