confessions of a life double-lived

I have many stay-at-home mom type of friends. Most of them make comments to me along these lines...

"How do you find time to do it all?"

or

"You're amazing! I just don't know how you manage to do it all! I hardly have time to keep up with the house!"

These comments are usually said in an envying tone of voice.

The truth? I don't do it all! I am trying to cram two lives into the space of one, and it just doesn't all fit.

When I get up in the morning, I am usually dragging from going to bed too late the night before. Once the kids are dropped off at school, I mentally drop all thoughts concerning family and home and bend all my thoughts and will to my work life.

MY WORK LIFE

I love my job! There are almost 1,000 kids at my school (this does not include the 200 or so kindergartners who don't come to specialties). Each one of them believes they have a close and personal relationship with me. I cannot go anywhere in the school without being hailed, chased down, and hugged by someone or many little someones. I don't eat the cafeteria food because going in there when it is full of students is just a bit overwhelming.

I have 1/4 of those kids coming to my class during any given term. So I know about 250 kids' names on sight at any given time in the year, and many, many more names that remain with me all year because those kids are so memorable.

I cannot go anywhere in the Northern part of the county without running into students, parents, and former students. My family is used to me being suddenly attacked by flying little hugging kids who want me to meet their mom and dad. The other day, Helena and I were trying to order lunch at Subway when the young man behind the counter said, "You used to be my teacher!" He is now in college. I had a former student (now a bagger at a local grocery store) tell me that she is now married and has a little girl! Heavy sigh, those encounters make me feel old!

All of this probably sounds wonderful, right?

My contract is part-time so that I can live my other life of being a wife and mother. That means I don't stay at school long enough to take the time I really want to spend there. I am way behind in the grading. I have PILES AND PILES of things needing to be filed! I was not as quick to order the clay as I should have been and now I am stressed about whether it will arrive in time to do a clay project with the 4th grade before time runs out.

When I pull out of the parking lot at work, I mentally turn off all thoughts of students and work. All my thoughts turn to my kids, my husband, and my home.

MY HOME LIFE

I am usually 15 minutes late picking the kids up from school. The laundry piles up and ends up being washed on Sunday because Saturday is not enough time to do it all. The house cleaning is haphazard, at best. I don't cook at all. 'Fend for yourself' is standard practice around here. I don't have the time I would like for myself. I don't have time to paint, and I don't have time to exercise.

However, I have a really good relationship with my kids and my husband. My kids are good kids and I am proud of who they are becoming. I like to spend time with them, and I hope they like to spend time with me! How many moms can say that their 15 year old daughter confides in them?

So, yes.... I live two lives. Neither is lived to it's fullest potential. The stress has my face in constant acne breakouts. I sometimes have mental breakdowns when it all becomes too much to handle.

Would I change it?

NO!

What to do on a Saturday afternoon?

This photo was taken a week ago(?). Will had his friend, Dale over. They got bored waiting for a chance to play video games (Helena and I were studying her Biology together in the room with the TV in it, so they just had to wait). To alleviate the boredom, they pulled the old slot car set out of the garage and had a go at it! I think they enjoyed it quite a bit, actually. It certainly kept them from checking on the study session progress!

What a view!

This is the view of Utah Valley that I see every day from the school I teach at. Not from my classroom windows, of course. My classroom windows face a lovely blacktop and portable classrooms. The classrooms at the front of the school have this view, however.

The big white area is Utah Lake, which was still frozen at the time of this picture, about a week ago. That is why there is no reflection on it. Now the lake is thawed out.

Will is ready to try a new sport!

Will came home the other day telling me about boys at school bringing Lacrosse sticks to 'play around' with during lunch break. The next day, I got an e-mail from his football coach announcing the start of Spring Lacrosse season and encouraging the football players to try it out as an off-season sport to stay in shape.

I brought home the flyer and Will got really excited! He started web surfing all the info he could find. I've been trying to drum up some enthusiasm in him to go out for track with very little success. What's a Mom to do?

I signed him up yesterday, rented his gear today, and he is off to his first practice tomorrow! There are links to the US Lacrosse website and the local chapter's web site in the side bar web link list.

I will say one thing for Helena's ballet... it makes everything else seem cheap! Registration and gear for the entire Lacrosse season cost less than one month of ballet tuition!

Now we get to enjoy a spring full of sport activity! I will post photos and video as they happen... so stay tuned!

Will's Jazz band struggles

Will enjoys playing his trumpet. He doesn't enjoy getting up early to go to Jazz band. He also doesn't practice like he should.

He has been more and more reluctant to go to Jazz band because he is falling farther and farther behind the ability curve due to lack of practice. Go figure.

What he really wants is to play his trumpet in the Concert Band again.

However, he doesn't want to give up the Baritone (Euphonium), either.

He loves the awesome, deep bass tones it makes. He doesn't like jumping from Treble clef to Bass clef. I pointed out that piano players have to read both at the same time. He didn't appreciate the input. Hee, hee, hee!

The reality is, there are too many trumpets in the Concert band, so the competition for that part is really stiff. He wouldn't do well as a trumpet player in that band because there are so many other players who actually practice consistently! There is always a shortage of bass brass players, so it is a good fit for my son. The band teacher will be more patient with him and will work with me on encouraging Will to practice.

The Jazz band is voluntary, so anyone who is willing to show up for class is welcome. Again, a good fit for my son who is still working on building good practicing habits.

An A- to celebrate!

Helena got an A- on her Unit 8 Biology test!!!!

This is a major victory for her. She has been struggling with this subject all year. She is more of a Humanities kind of girl. She does very well in the arts, history and languages. Math and Science are a stretch for her. She studied hard, though!

Way to go sweetie! I am proud of you!

Girls are SO FORWARD!

Will knows not to call anyone after 9 p.m.

Last night, Bill and I were settling in for the night, quietly discussing our day before going to sleep. Bill paused and said, "Do you hear a radio on?" We both paused to listen... and heard Will's voice from downstairs.

We had sent the kids to bed an hour earlier.

At first, I theorized that the kids were up and visiting with each other. That is, until Bill asked, "Did you take his cell phone away tonight?"

For the past month, or so, he has had to surrender his phone before going to bed.

I went downstairs. Sure enough, Will was on the phone! Searching the call log, I discovered that, once again, the conversations were instigated by the girl! Will never calls, but he doesn't seem to mind keeping up his end of the conversation once she calls.

When I entered the room he hung up on her! Oops! She tried to call back, but hung up immediately when I answered instead of Will. Double oops!

You know, I would NEVER have called a boy late at night when I was 12! Mom and dad would have had a FIT if there was any boy/girl type stuff going on in seventh grade!

Will is incredibly good looking, in my Mom opinion.

No, I am not terribly concerned. He spends all his free time having air soft wars with his buddies, playing shoot 'em up video games, and joining the Chess Club and the Axis and Allies Club at school. I wonder what exactly she does see in him, in fact. Other that the good looks, of course!

How do you spell STRESS?

I have two spellings for the word.

My first spelling is BALLET. Helena's ballet is the biggest expense we have outside of the standard home mortgage. It is even bigger than our car payment. No this is not a photo of Helena, but it is a photo of a former dancer from her ballet company.

This summer, Helena's ballet company will be travelling to Europe for 10+ days of touring. I remember the company girls going on this trip 5 years ago when Helena was a little dancer!

Most of the trip will be spent at the Austria Tanzsommer festival, with side trips to Venice, Amsterdam, London, and Paris! The trip is, of course, incredibly expensive. Bill and I decided early on to do everything in our power to send Helena on this trip. What is the point of spending years of dedicated hard work in a grueling discipline if you don't get the huge reward offered for your efforts?

Of course, we didn't realize the economy would have such a strong impact on our lives. The company Bill works for is in a job slump right now and has laid off all but a core of 7 guys; Bill being one of the seven, thankfully! His paychecks have been smaller than usual because he is working fewer hours.

We have about 1/2 of the trip paid for so far. I stress about how to pay the remainder, especially the airfare, which will probably need to be paid very shortly. I am feverishly filling out taxes so I can receive the refund ASAP!

The other spelling is FINANCES. This is probably a spelling of stress for many people these days. You know, we only have one credit card. I have a balance on it, unfortunately. They just sent me a notification that they are going to raise my rate to 17.9%!!! Is this because I missed a payment or two? NO!!! It is 'due to the current economic conditions and the length of time I have been a customer'. HUNH?! I have been a customer for 15 years! I pay more than the minimum each month!

I have heard that this is happening to many people across the country. I even got a phone solicitation (even though I am on the 'do not call' list) from a company that works with all the major credit card companies offering to 'mediate' for $30.00 a month. I told him to 'take a hike'!

So... I am going to cancel the credit card. I don't seriously entertain any hopes that I will be able to get another one with a decent rate right now, so we are going to live sans credit for a while. It scares me because we have no cushion and very little self control. I am hoping that this will force us to be more fiscally responsible.

I suppose all of this sounds incredible... finances are terrible but you are sending your daughter to Europe?! You know, life goes on and it is not all about money. Helena will have experiences that cannot be weighed and measured with a money stick. I feel like sending her is the best use of what little money I do have!

A photo of Will

Helena took this photo of Will on the day he got back from the Klondike. She agrees that he is incredibly handsome! His hair is now cut much shorter, by the way.

The Ward Family Valentine's Dance

Our church has an activities committee which my husband and I are fortunate to be members of. It was decided that we should have a family Valentine's Day dance in the 'Cultural Hall' (a.k.a.... the Gym) of the church building. Church members were encouraged to bring a wedding photo and /or family photo to display on a table at one end of the room and a plate of treats for the table on the other end of the room. Someone brought a stereo with huge speakers and set them up on the stage.

I thought the event had a pretty good turnout, and everyone had lots of fun socializing, if not dancing. I should say that all the married couples took to the dance floor during the slow songs, and all the energetic folks, old and young, took to the dance floor on the fast ones.

Will stated emphatically that he WOULD NOT dance; not even with his mother. After a while, though, I convinced all the boys his age to line up and do the Can-Can, Will included!

After that, he seemed to unwind some and danced with his buddies. He even contemplated the reward of $10.00 that Jeremy Haws was offering to whichever of the 11-13 year old boys who would go ask Kelsey S. to dance a slow dance! Poor Kelsey! I told the boys that he should have offered to pay her the $10.00 for putting up with dancing with one of them! In the end, none of the boys was brave enough. She is a VERY cute girl!

Helena danced several times with her Daddy, since there was simply no one her age at the party. Still, I think she had a good time.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I thought this would be a good day to retell how Bill and I first met.

It was December of 1992. I was a student at BYU. I had a boyfriend named Kevin at the time. We weren't seriously dating, I should add. In fact, he had just suggested that we not be mutually exclusive (meaning, he had met a cute girl he would like to get to know without feeling like he was 'cheating' on me). I was fine with that because I wasn't looking for a serious relationship at the time, either.

Kevin and I went ice skating at Seven Peaks on a Friday night. I really enjoy ice skating, so on Saturday, I suggested to my room-mates that we should go. So, on Saturday evening, we piled into my Honda Civic and went! While skating with my room-mates that night, I noticed a really handsome man skating by himself. I mean REALLY handsome! He was thin, but well proportioned, with dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a blindingly white smile in a tanned face. His eyes twinkled when he smiled at me as he passed.

I really wanted to meet him! I couldn't think of any way except to be forward and skate up to him and strike up a conversation... which I did! I am not usually that outgoing around strangers (or, I should say, I wasn't then), but I knew that even if he thought I was a total idiot, it wasn't likely that I would ever see him again. My first words to him were, "Are you here alone?"

My room-mates were disgruntled, I think, to find that I had abandoned them for this good looking man. One of them was tired and worn out, this being her first attempt at ice skating. They wanted to go home, but I was their ride. I told Bill (because, of course, that is who the handsome man was) that I would have to go take my room-mates home and that it was nice to meet him. His response was, " can you drop them off and come back? I'll pay to get you back in if you need it."

So, I took my room-mates home and went straight back to the skating rink. They probably all thought I'd lost my mind! He was a complete stranger!

We skated for another hours or so, I can't really remember. I do remember that it was snowing heavily (it was an outdoor rink) and we couldn't see the blades of our skates because the snow was so thick on the ice. Finally, the rink management closed the rink early due to the fact that the Zamboni machine couldn't keep the ice cleared of snow. It had been so magical, though! Skating with a handsome young man through the falling snow!

When the rink closed, Bill asked if I would go to dinner with him. I agreed and climbed into his old Ford truck, leaving my Civic in the rink parking lot. Mom would have probably had a screaming fit at that! After dinner, Bill drove me back to my car, started it for me, brushed the snow off of it, and scraped the ice from the windshield so I could get back to my apartment safely.

And the rest is history!

Happy Valentine's day, everyone!!!

Helena's portrait update

It is taking forever to paint this! I can only work on it when classes are quietly working. I may have to go to the school to work on it on my days off if I hope to finish it any time soon!