Church

I am Mormon.

A better way to say that is to say that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Most of you probably already know that, even if you aren't all that sure of what it means to be a Mormon.

Essentially, it means that I am a conservative, evangelical Christian.  On the spectrum of Christian sects, Mormonism is not as conservative as the Amish, or even the Jehovah Witnesses.  Still, by mainstream American culture, I am quite conservative.  Not a fanatic, though.  Within the basic structure of my religion, I'd personally probably be seen as a moderate.  You know, like Catholics.  Some are Orthodox and follow the tenets of Catholicism strictly.  Some are moderate and attend Mass fairly regularly, on holidays especially, but don't fuss themselves if they fail at Lent.  And some are 'Catholic' because their parents had them baptized as a baby, and that's about it.  I'd fall somewhere in that middle section when it comes to being a Mormon.

Here is what a typical sabbath service might look like for me...

Upon arrival, we usually take the same pew we always sit in, on the right side (as facing the pulpit), directly behind the boys that pass the sacrament.  Our name is not on the pew, but it might as well be.  Everyone in the congregation has a spot where they usually sit.  The pew behind us is always taken by a young family with three kids 5 and under.  Of course, if we ever show up late, we have to find somewhere else to sit, but you get the basic idea.

The meeting starts with a hymn and a prayer, followed by announcements of a general nature about things going on with the congregation.  You know, condolences that so-and-so's grandfather passed away yesterday, congratulations to such-and-such family on the adoption of their new baby this week.  After this, any business that needs to be conducted is taken care of.  Baby blessings, for instance.  Or sustaining/releasing people from callings.

Our church has no paid clergy.  Everyone in the congregation, from the Bishop, to the Sunday School teachers, to the organist, accepts their position voluntarily as an act of service.  The job you serve in (if you choose to accept it) is a 'calling'.

After business is done, a Sacrament hymn is sung.  This is supposed to get the congregation mentally prepared to partake of the Sacrament.  It is a time for everyone to get reverent.  Here is where it can get entertaining.  Remember the family that sits behind us?  The one with three kids 5 and under?  Ever tried to get kids that young to 'sit reverently'?  Yeah.  Ain't gonna happen!

Last week, the young mother (let's call her Mary), who is dealing with all three boisterous young offspring alone since her husband is out of town, has some 'Gushers' fruit snacks to keep her kids quiet, but uses them as leverage by telling the kids they can have them... after Sacrament.  So, during the Sacrament hymn, Mary's oldest pipes up (a little too loudly) "I want a Gusher!"  Mary successfully distracts him by pointing out how the 'big boys' are preparing the Sacrament trays as we sing.

The bread is blessed and passed to the congregation by the boys.  Once child #1 and child #2 have had a piece of bread, they both start clamoring for the promised treat.  Again Mary has to shush them, reminding them that they still have to have the Sacrament water.  Oh, the agony!  Sacrament lasts an eternity to a 3 or 5 year old!

The water is finally blessed and passed around.  Now they are certain they can have the Gushers and start loudly reminding their mother that it is time!  But, no!  Sacrament isn't truly over until the boys finish serving EVERYONE and sit back down with their own families!  There was near mutiny in the pew behind us upon hearing that final blow!

Once the eternal Sacrament is finally over, the kids settle down with their promised treat... for about 2 minutes... the time it takes a preschooler to consume a little package of Gushers.  Then the fun truly begins.

Sacrament is followed by a speaker or two, chosen in advance from the congregation and assigned a gospel topic to focus his/her remarks upon.  Then an intermediate hymn that might be sung by the congregation, the choir, a small group, or a soloist.  A final speaker is then followed by a closing hymn and closing prayer.  Speakers range from fascinating and inspiring, to insipid and boorish.  You never know in advance what you're going to get.  You can be sure of one thing, though.  None of them will keep the interest of the kids in the pew behind us.  They are practically climbing the walls by the time the final hymn is sung.  Mary is not alone in trying to keep little children relatively quite during Sacrament service, either.  The same little melodrama is being repeated ten fold throughout  the chapel, which is full of families with young children.  Our Sunday services can be rather noisy affairs.

Poor Mary!  She always apologizes to us, certain that we have been unable to 'find the spirit' in the meeting because of the distraction of her kids.

Truthfully?  I love it!  They are so entertaining!  Not to her, I'm sure.  But I find little kids to be completely ingenuous and incapable of guile.  You know exactly where you stand with them.  I still get what I want from the speakers and I get the entertainment of listening to her kids, too!  I used to have little kids, too, you know.  Things were no different back then and I have been in her shoes.

Incidentally, this week, the Dad arrived with all three little ones in tow. Before the services started, the Dad stepped away for a moment with the littlest one.  When he got back, child #1 loudly proclaimed, "Look, Dad!  I opened it" while manically consuming ... a package of Gushers!  Dad's distracted response?  "That's great."

Ha!  One small victory for preschoolers everywhere!

After Sacrament meeting, it is time for Sunday School.  That's right.  Church is not over, folks!  Sunday School is broken down by age, with adults attending Gospel Doctrine class.  Sunday School lasts an hour.  After Sunday School, there is one more meeting.  The men separate from the women and attend gospel centered classes taught with special attention to gender specific needs.  Let's face it, men and women are not the same, no matter how much we want to say it is so.  Equal, yes.  Same, no.

Today we skipped everything following Sacrament service.  It was enough of a victory to get both our teenagers to come to that meeting with us, that we called it a day and went home to play board games together.  I don't feel a bit guilty about it and we had a great time!

By the way, both of today's speakers were pretty good.  The first one, a young man preparing to leave on a mission for the church, used a great analogy that went something like... 'in matters of style, swim with the current.  In matters of principle, stand firm as a rock.'

Words to live by.