Last Full Day of Summer

At least, it is for me.  Tomorrow I will head over to the high school to arrange payment of the class fees for both of my kids.  They will both be at the high school this year.  Weird!  After that, I'm dragging my entire family off to my classroom to put the furniture all back in order.  With the help of three other pairs of hands, we can get it done in just a few hours and we can return home to have a 'half day' of summer.

Tuesday and Wednesday, I will be at my classroom on my own, setting up my schedule, lesson plans, and materials.  Thursday is my official first contract day with meetings all morning and work in my classroom all afternoon.  Friday is a full meeting day.  Monday will be meetings, then open house in the evening followed by the first day for students on Tuesday, August 23rd.

We have had a very frustrating summer, and not just because of Bill's accident.  In some ways I am glad for it to be over.  That brings me to the almost title for this post...  Stay with me, I promise it will tie in...

The Crucible

When a young person joins the Marines, Boot Camp culminates with an hellish ordeal known as 'The Crucible'.  Wikipedia defines it like this; 'The Crucible is the final test in recruit training, and represents the culmination of all of the skills and knowledge a Marine should possess.'  Our oldest son, Matt, went through it when becoming a Marine.  It is the final test, so to speak, before graduating from boot camp.

I feel like the teen years are the 'Crucible' of parenting.  A final test before graduating to the next phase as a parent of adult offspring. 

When my kids were little, it didn't take much to get them to do their chores, or to obey.  Either they were willing and happy to do it, or they were easy to coerce with a bit of applied discipline.  I remember times when they were thrilled to work right along side mommy, and other times when the threat of losing their favorite toy for the week was all it took to get them to clean their rooms.

Now that they are teens, the job of parenting is so much more difficult.  Every once in a blue moon they will be happy and helpful when asked to help out around the house.  Most of the time, however, when they hear that four letter word, "WORK", they shut down, roll their eyes, mutter darkly under their breath, and then proceed with what they were doing before you talked to them and the work doesn't get done.  Taking 'toys' away sometimes has the desired result, but isn't as effective as it used to be.  And, truthfully, I am tired.  Tired of being the one in charge.  Tired of being the one who feels it is necessary to live in a clean (ish) environment.  Tired of the 'them vs. me' attitude I get from them on the topic.  Tired from all the years of being responsible for the health and well being of the many rather than just looking out for number one. 

So much of what I do for them is so behind the scenes that they no longer even see me serving and helping them.  They just take it for granted that food will always be plentiful, towels will always be cleanly folded in the linen cupboard.  The house will always be cool in the summer, warm in the winter, and well lit.  The cars will always be available for use and will always have gas.  Instant entertainment in the form of computers, TV, and other media are theirs to enjoy.  The dirty dishes can always just be piled up in the sink and mom will always wash them.  Mom will always be there for an instant source of $ should need/want come up.

Am I sounding a bit down?

I am.

My children are not workers.  They will not willingly lift a finger to help.  Spontaneous acts of goodwill are few and far between.  I have to throw in this caveat and say that Helena is known to actually clean spontaneously, sometimes even with a charitable attitude.  But sometimes she points it out to me as if to say 'Look, Mom, I am making more of an effort on keeping this house clean than you are!'  She then looks at me as though I am a slothful person for not keeping it clean on my own.  Grr!  I know the house is not as clean as it should be, little missy!  But I am not willing to be the house elf slaving away at constantly cleaning the messes of all.

Where does all this angst come from?

From church classes.  Today's lesson;  "Family Responsibilities"

Church is supposed to lift you up and bring you closer to Christ.  Today's lesson just felt like a brow beating; pointing out all my many failings as a mother.  Not that that was their intention, of course!  Oh no!  The lesson was supposed to reaffirm things we already know, like parents are supposed to lead and guide, children are supposed to honor and obey.  That was a fail.  The lesson was sugar coated with not one mention of what to do when your child gives you the look of death and storms out of the house because you dared to insist on obedience.

Sorry this post turned into such a downer.  I am confident that all will be well in the end.  No matter how much we screw up as parents, most people seem to turn out alright in the end.  All I can hope for is that my children will survive their childhood and all the parenting mistakes we made.  That they will discover that "WORK" is not a four letter word.  And that, someday, they will be parents themselves, struggling to do the right thing by their kids and realize at that time that we were only human, after all.